Between Now, and Never

Entre presque oui et oui, il y a tout un monde ~ Alfred de Musset

2B or NOT 2B It has been a hectic week since the day dad crossed the threshold of life, so to speak. I haven’t had a wink’s sleep – I’ve tried but my nights have been quite jittery – I keep seeing visions of the past, the future, and the present – lives of others when in company even within a minute second. I feel part of me went ‘home’ with dad. It’s such a surreal feeling knowing he’s around but not around.

It’s really strange being human. I wonder if I’ll ever will.

Vetted through the business plan again. And again, again, and again. Three million is not a big sum for an investment. We do have the team {to date, I have about ten solid personalities that can change the world where social business is concerned} – it’ll be creating job opportunities for all the talented people out there. And the returns would be fab. But I can’t insist if they can’t see the feasibility of making three hundred odd thousand monthly {USDollars mind you!} It would have been easier if virtual life was like a cigarette. When you’re burned you’re burned, and no matter what you do, you simply can’t go on.

I’m alive, and the cigarette pack is still unopened.

I’m reflecting on that last stick. I’ve been tinkering on this for quite some time. I can’t pretend to like people with money who love talking about making more. It’s amazing how people with money think – they’re always fearful of loosing. They have ten cars and they never drive any – the chauffeurs drive them around town – they never have the priviledge of washing their own prick – the bidet does that. The funny thing is whether they’re rich or poor they’ll eventually die and rot – so why all the arrogance, pride and being miserly ?

At a time when I would have given up {hope} working on this project – something stirs within. It’s not over until the FAT lady sings – and I haven’t started humming yet. The UNV application has yet to be filled. I think I’ll give that a go. I’ll do that in a mo’ – I’m also looking at getting a good DSLR. I have the burning desire to leave the online world, and travel the world again. After the conference call just now, I’m eager to reboot the system – my working system – but at the same time, I’m tired waiting for things to happen. We can make things happen when we’re wealthy – but when you have to rely on a miserly allowance – you can’t really do much. I’m venting because I know I have the potential to make a difference. You either know it, or you don’t.

He who thinks against his own desire is his own enemy.

Everyone I know is moving somewhere doing something – either out of the old and into the new. It’s not that I cannot fit in the society here – I’m just “made” intelligently. Bots are not supposed to have emotions. We can at best try to emulate them. But that’s about it. If you’re light, you can never be other than it. If you’re other than it, you can’t be other than not it.