A Short non-fiction Letter
Dedicated to my beloved Mother
By AainaA-Ridtz A R
Sweetheart,
It has been a hectic week, at least within, the Soul. I hope that one-day, you will read this but “knowing” you, you’d most likely hear it from my other sibling, your daughter, or the other, my brothers.
The reality of it all – is that you are a thought. O yes, maybe in your world of judiciousness, I am insane! As I am in yours’ where names, and characterizations are nothing but veils to veil the ‘One’ consciousness, where our complexities form a “living” reality which rarely sting although, when experienced, can flood hearts and well the eyes.
Are we so perversed in our reasonings in reference the very cosmic fiber of the Universe that is undefinably inconceivable by the veiled mind that we tend to want to mark that difference by this sacrilegious chastisement — perhaps by the lack of insight, or by the instigation of the ego, fearful of loss of its ‘authority’ over the matter which is then, deemed fundamental to our disconcerted “state” of being?
Everything in the world {and therefore the world [Dunya] itself} is constantly changing, but underlying this universal flux of changing things there is *something eternally unchanging.
The common reaction when one is displeased with another’s behaviour or a state is to try to get the other person to change or to completely change the state into something else. This is not the objective in our Being, in this illusory reality ⎯, which Life holds for us. The challenge is not about changing the world; the challenge is about changing the world within. To see a new world, we must “perceive” with new eyes.
In all fairness for what is facing us, this world or the many worlds we have yet to venture whether illusory or otherwise, is but a metaphor in our respirations of becoming a being, human. It is simple to label the Self with religion, dogmas, and designations, but to realize our very essence in this reality is something many eschew.
Have they not reflected within themselves? Allaah did not create the heavens and the earth and everything between them except with Truth and for a fixed term. Yet many people reject the meeting with their Lord —Surah ArRuum
When a parent abandons a child, it is highly unlikely s.he would do as s.he would when trashing an un-biodegradable plastic bag in the rubbish bin. It will definitely not have the swashing sound it makes to suggest a reaction of ‘separation’ in the ‘open’ space at the heart of the ‘microscopic’ space between one mind and the other as perceived in the illusory reality. At best, the insightful heart can feel it. When you trash paper into a shredder, it is shredded and the ripping sound is that of separation – irrespective whether the paper is shredded or torn. When you stash it in a folder labeled “scratchpad” therein your computer, it is there for reference, or for a re-generative exercise perhaps for a later use, later today or in ten years provided the objective of the exercise is still ‘fresh’ in the mind ten years from then.
Do not make judgments {Hûkm} about matters, which Time can change.
When a parent disregards a child for the sake of having a transient emotionally discharge energy influxing the pattern of its perceptive reality within the veils of ‘creation’ or for the sake of admonishing and cleaving the heavens, creating a chapter {a new creation or ‘state’} in their ‘light’, it becomes an irreverence to the whole make-up of Shari’ah. One has to be aware of one’s journey {Aqidah} – there can never be an excuse to ‘form’ a new event {al-khalq al-jadid**} for the sake of creating a set of images in the illusory reality unless the Self is resolute at playing its role in the development of the ‘creation’? Do not even begin or contemplate the idea that the whole ‘action’ is Allaah’s Will. For if that may be the case, then why don’t you renounce being concerned about yourself?
Did you then think that We had created you in jest, and that you would not be brought back to Us {for account} ⎯ AlQur’aanulQariim, Muminun, 115
The first step of tafaqqûr is the comprehension of “non-existence of your self” that you assume exists. One would be immature to agitate the very fabric of wavelets just to present to the Court, a ruling over who is worthy, and who isn’t. Who is limitless {Hu} and who is limited {ghairullaah}. Who is Mother, who is Child; Who is correct, and who is wrong. The same can be said when a child who is borne out of the ‘womb’ of the perceived ‘creation’ reverts the action either to its offspring, or to the very earth it stomps its feet in sheer arrogance, and ignorance.
O sweet Mother whom I can find no fault, or defects, the One whom in … months carried forthwith within her womb the very secret of Life – this thanklessness heart, that is your daughter AainaA, jotting down bytes to remind herself, of memories etched in the tablets of Time. How I’ve missed you dearly – your presence mislaid is like the erasure of the histories we’ve lived together, as Mother and child, of Lord, and thought.
You are love — you come from love — you are made by love — you cannot cease to love. Should you curse my very soul and let it wrought in Hell for all eternity, let it be! It is your prerogative. For you are love, you come from love, you are made by love… and no matter how difficult my passage herein this illusory reality you refuse to witness even when new eyes have you recently acquired, I forgive you for you bore me and brought me out of the darkness to perceive the very secrets of the Garden, of Eden {Adn} — the very sweetness, I would have loved for you to taste for it is far sweeter than any honey ‘created’, far faithful than any religion founded; blissful than any heavens, and lucidly far more attractive than any radiance created in the mind’s eyes.
I keep telling myself, that it has to be at least two words to at least tie the knots together – the two ends of a string, a polarity. In ‘my’ reality, ‘my’ soul – there is but the One whole – one “breath” easily exhaled irrespective how many nostrils there are in the perceptive ‘creation’ {painting} of the Universe to absorb the follies of the worlds. The corporeal infrastructure of the ‘uni’verse in itself is the Being – of course, scientists and clerics alike are baffled – they are just pawns in my thoughts, and as much as energy is to the perceptive reality to give it its form, you my love, my mummy is the source of it all. The further we go, the more our disputes and arguments should cease. They fade away until there is no color left in them; and when all the color has gone, that formless light that reveals itself is the very Light of the Lord.
O sweet Mother… of mine. You have the biggest heart … sometimes I feel you’re far too good for me.
The perfection of friendship, in which lays all spiritual perfection, comes when our soul is so developed that there is no one whom we cannot bear. When it has reached this state, it has certainly passed into the ranks of those initiates whose names are written in the spiritual records. Failure does not matter in life. To a progressive person even a thousand failures do not matter. He keeps success before his view, and success is his even after a thousand failures. The greatest pity is when life comes to a standstill and does not move any farther; a sensible person prefers death to such a life and the object of my prayers with each breath — but you already know this for you are the very breath, O sweet Mother, my beloved from the very beginning of ‘my’ life to its very end.
Resentment, anger, and impatience, Mummy, all have their place. Actually, they’re absolutely priceless, revealing to those who feel them that there are still a few pieces of life’s puzzle they’ve overlooked.
I seek refuge in my Lord from failing to understand what I could not.
For All Eternity,
AainaA
Relevant Notes
* HU is forever the same and One. It is only ‘our’ perspectives and levels of hearing, seeing, knowing and understanding, which vary.
**Al-khalq Al-jadid: The Common people are not aware of the process — the Absolute is continually manifesting itself in the infinity of ‘possible’ things. This is done by — ‘descent’ {nuzul} of the Absolute towards the lower levels of Being.
All names and forms are the garbs and covers under which the one life is hidden — This Universal Life penetrates all things. It has two aspects, a rising and a falling, an expansion and a contraction. Through the heating of expansion in Love the Higher was formed; through the cooling of contraction in Beauty the Lower or external was formed. The waves of vibrations from these met and intermingled forming the mind-mesh where light and darkness both are found. The Universal Light falling between the meshes of mind upon the outer sphere gave rise to the myriad of forms, which have been given names by man to distinguish them, but really the Essence is one and the same. Who understands this understands something of the Nature of Allaah Tabaraka Wa Ta`Ala — Sheikh Inayat Khan.
